Considering the past weekend. Today I actually did something, besides lazying around. I have come back from a trip around Australia with my Aussie boyfriend, where after we felt we needed some time to relax and process it all. Naturally, it was needed to have the obligatory yet extremely welcoming meetings with family and friends, where we had a beautiful steak diner and lots of drinks with friends. This is not the topic I would like to talk about though, despite the fact that it was a delight to see everyone’s happy faces again. As a foreigner, in order for me to get a second year visa in lovely, wild, epic Australia, I need to – and this has been on my mind almost continuously, driving my immediate social surroundings insane by my low-key anxiety to fulfill 88 days of farm work (or any other kind of labour that no true Aussie would prefer to do). Although, in principle a great initiative from the government, an absolute torture for me and anyone who 1. would rather stay at home in Sydney, 2. would prefer to be near Sydney (and boyfriend), 3. kind of likes to thought of working at a farm as long as there are any alpacas around, 4. would like to just get their farm work signed off so they can find some actual work they might enjoy. Consequently, since I cannot find a way to avoid it, I was driven to construct an aplication letter to any alpaca farm in the vicinity of Sydney. I would like to show you my initial invention of the letter I would have loved to send to everyone:
My name is Elise and I love alpacas! Considering that your farm contains alpacas means that I would be absolutely thrilled to get to work with these cute and fluffy animals. However, I need to convince you to hire me as your stable hand, where you’ll feed and shelter me for a cheap price and will on top of that pay me at least 800 dollars a week (pls). I know you need me, but you don’t know it yet yourself.
Reasons why you should hire me:
– I am dedicated, stubborn yet flexible, loyal, persistent (or is that also stubborn?), and above all a loving, fun human to work with.
– I would caress your beloved alpacas beyond count and I will love them unconditionally (yes, even if they spit or poo on me).
– You will find that I am quite the fast-learner and will remember stuff easily.
– I am multi-functional! I can also cook quite well, clean fast and effectively, and be used for other labour-involving tasks.
You’re sweet fluffy alpacas need my love and care, so please don’t deny them.
Elise Marion Hartevelt
p.s. Please Hire me, so I can stay in Australia with my Aussie boyfriend.
Yes, I did it in quote marks, what about it. Also, adding my horrific middle name added to my sincerity of the letter, I reckoned. Nonetheless, how much I would have loved to send this e-mail to the whole of NSW where I pleaded I would have stroked the fluffy animals beyond count, I was forced to send something more appropriate. I ended up sending 14 e-mails today to Alpaca farms close to Mudgee and the Blue Mountains, and I am still waiting with excitement and good faith that one of them will find it in their heart to harbor me.